5 Lies About Raising Bilingual Kids (That Are Sabotaging Your Success!)
- Ka Yee Meck
- 6 days ago
- 6 min read
Table of contents
Have you ever been told that your bilingual child will get confused?
Or that learning more than one language might cause… speech delay?
On the flip side, maybe someone has told you,
“Kids are like sponges – they’ll just absorb any language effortlessly.”
What if I told you these so-called “facts” are not just wrong…
They’re myths.
And some of them are actively sabotaging your family’s success!
In this guide, I’ll debunk the top five myths about raising bilingual or trilingual children, share what the research actually says, and offer practical advice drawn from my family’s nine-year trilingual parenting journey here in the UK.
Let’s bust some myths – and set your family up for long-term success.
Hi, I’m Ka Yee
Since 2016, my husband and I have been raising our children to be trilingual in Russian, Chinese and English while living in the UK.
This blog and my YouTube channel exist to support parents like you – whether you’re just starting out or feeling stuck somewhere along your multilingual parenting journey.
If you want a full, beginner-friendly roadmap, my book Bilingual and Trilingual Parenting 101 has helped thousands of families worldwide.
Now, let’s dig into the five biggest myths that held us back in the early years… and might be holding you back too.
❌ Lie 1: “Kids are like sponges”
I wince every time I hear it!
You usually hear this from well-meaning people who are not raising multilingual kids themselves… or from parents who are, let’s be honest, taking a very casual, “let’s see what happens” approach.
What they mean is something like:
“Just throw some language input at them – a bit of TV here, some nursery rhymes there, maybe an app or two – and boom, your child will magically become bilingual.”
No mention of consistency.
No awareness of how much input a child actually needs.
No understanding of how hard children work to convert input into actual spoken output.
This mindset leads to unhelpful habits:
• Believing consistency doesn’t matter
• Thinking all input is equal
• Taking a passive or “lazy” approach and hoping it will all work out
Sophie Hardach sums it up beautifully in her book Languages Are Good For Us:
“They are not just little sponges who passively absorb languages… Multilingual children work very hard at their language skills… in ways that can be easy to overlook.”
YES. Exactly this.
💡 What to do instead
Input matters – but not all input is created equal.
One hour of cartoons is not the same as one hour of real conversation with you!
A 2020 study in the International Multilingual Research Journal suggests that children typically need at least 20% exposure to each language for active bilingualism or trilingualism. If your child is awake for 12 hours a day, that’s roughly 2.4 hours in the target language.
Try to make that exposure:
• Interactive
• Varied
• Human-centred
Think:
– Talking
– Reading together
– Singing
– Watching a show together and discussing it afterwards
That’s how you “feed the sponge” properly.
❌ Lie 2: “Bilingualism causes speech delay”
This one hits close to home for us!
My husband’s half-brother grew up in Australia in the early 2000s. The family spoke Russian at home. When he started school, teachers told my father-in-law:
“Stop speaking Russian at home – it’s causing speech delay.”
Yes. In the 2000s.
This shows just how stubborn this myth still is.
📚 What research actually says
👉 A 2019 review in the Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research states:
“Being bilingual does not cause speech or language delay.”
So what happened in our family?
My father-in-law ignored the well-meaning advice.
He kept speaking Russian at home.
He sent his son to weekend Russian school.
The result?
A fully bilingual young man who reads and writes in two languages, did well in school, and went to a top university.
So please let this reassure you:
Bilingualism does not cause speech delay. The myth does far more harm than good.
❌ Lie 3: “Multilingual kids get confused”
This is the number one question I’ve been asked in nine years:
“Don’t they get confused?”
Usually people mean:
How will they tell the languages apart?
Won’t they just mix everything up?
🔬 Here’s what the research says
👉 A 2009 study by Petitto & Holowka found that bilingual babies can distinguish between their languages as early as 4–6 months.
👉 The same study shows higher activation in areas of the brain linked to attention and control – suggesting bilingualism may boost executive functioning.
And remember:
Half the world is bilingual or multilingual.
So unless half the world is walking around in a state of confusion…
But what about mixing languages?
Kids do it.
Mine certainly do!
My daughter once said: “Gege boom ya” – Chinese + English + Russian in one sentence.
And it wasn’t confusion – it was creative problem-solving.
Many researchers argue that mixing is a sign of cognitive flexibility, not disorder.
💡 What to do instead
Consistency helps. Consider adopting one of the main language strategies (also known as "family language policy" or FLP) and stick to it:
• Minority Language at Home
• Time & Place
But flexibility can also work. I recently interviewed a British dad raising bilingual kids without strict boundaries – and it works beautifully for their family.
If you want to create a family language plan, download my free template to get started! You can also watch a mini video course where I guide you through the process.
❌ Lie 4: “They’ll just speak English anyway, so what’s the point?”
A few years ago a Russian mum told me at the playground:
“Your kids will only want to speak English once they start school. Just you wait.”
I’ve heard versions of this so many times.
And yes, once school starts, the majority language becomes much stronger. That’s true.
But is it game over?
Absolutely not!
We’re nine years into this journey.
Our kids still speak Russian and Chinese at home.
They read, write, and hold conversations in all three languages.
OK, they're not as fluent as kids living in China or Russia – of course not.
But they're progressing well by our definition, and that's what matters.
💡 What to do instead
If you notice English creeping in:
• Double down on consistency at home
• Encourage your child to reply in the target language
Language attrition isn’t inevitable – but you do have to fight for the minority language.
❌ Lie 5: “It’s better to wait until they’re older”
Many parents worry their child will struggle at nursery or school if they start with the minority language first.
I understand the concern. I really do.
But here’s the problem:
If you wait until your child is fully fluent in English, you may have already missed the window where second language acquisition happens most naturally.
By that stage, English is so dominant that the minority language can feel foreign – even unwelcome.
What we did
We introduced the minority languages from birth.
Before nursery, we taught a handful of essential English “survival” phrases:
• toilet
• hungry
• water
• thank you
And that was enough. Both kids adjusted quickly… and soon preferred English anyway!
In almost all cases, the majority language takes care of itself.
Your priority should be the minority language.
💡 What to do instead
• Introduce the target language as early as you can
• If you’re worried, teach survival phrases
• Don’t delay – waiting often makes things harder, not easier
🎯 Wrap-up
These five myths seem harmless… but they genuinely hold families back:
Kids are not sponges
Bilingualism does not cause speech delay
Multilingual kids are not confused
English doesn’t have to “take over”
Waiting rarely helps
Which of these "lies" resonates most strongly with you? Share in the comments below!
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