Raising Trilingual Kids Using "One Parent One Language" (OPOL)
- Ka Yee Meck
- Jul 11
- 7 min read
Table of Contents
Divide and conquer – that’s how we raise trilingual kids using the One Parent One Language method!
In this post, I’ll explain what this method is, how it works, its pros and cons based on our real-life experience, and share tips on how to make it work!
Intro
Hi! If it’s your first time here, welcome. My name’s Ka Yee, and I’m a UK mum raising trilingual children with my husband here in the UK.
In this post, I’m doing a deep dive into the One Parent One Language method – also known as OPOL – which has been one of the core pillars of our trilingual family journey.
We’ve been using OPOL since 2016, and I really want to give you a realistic, no-fluff view of how it actually works in real life. Plus, I’ll share some tips on how to make it work better for your family too.
This post is divided into three parts:
I’ll explain what OPOL is and why so many families use it.
I’ll dive into the pros and cons – based on our own experience over the past 8+ years – and share practical suggestions.
Finally, I’ll give you my personal verdict and some final thoughts.
By the end, you’ll know exactly what OPOL is, whether it might be a good fit for your family, how to apply it in the real world – and how to avoid some of the common pitfalls we’ve faced.
Part 1 – What is OPOL?
So, part one – what is One Parent One Language?
It’s exactly what it sounds like.
Each parent consistently speaks to the child in one language – and only that language.
So, one parent = one language.
Let’s say one parent is French and the other is Spanish. The French-speaking parent always uses French with the child. The Spanish-speaking parent always uses Spanish. If you live in an English-speaking country like we do, English becomes the third language – often picked up from school, friends, and the environment.
In our case, I speak to the kids in Cantonese or Mandarin, my husband speaks to them in Russian, and they pick up English from school and everyday life.
Why do families choose this method?
It creates clear language boundaries. That helps kids build strong associations between a specific parent and a specific language.
It reduces the mental effort for both parent and child – there’s no need to constantly think about which language to use (at least in theory!)
Studies have shown that children in OPOL households tend to develop good receptive skills in both languages, especially when the parents are consistent from an early age (De Houwer, 2007).
It’s widely used and recommended in bilingual and multilingual parenting circles – and there’s academic support for it too.
So, that’s the theory. But does it actually work in practice?
Part 2 – Pros and Cons of OPOL
In part 2, let's dive in the PROS and CONS of this method, based on our own personal experience practising this method since 2016 (8 years and counting at the time of writing)!
PROS OF OPOL
1. The most logical option for our family
My husband doesn’t speak Chinese. I speak very little Russian. And we live in the UK.
So… OPOL kind of chose us! It made sense for each of us to speak to the kids in our own language.
In my experience, this is the case for lots of trilingual families.
It just seems to be the most logical option – maybe even the only feasible one – if you want your child to speak both parents’ languages while living in a third country.
2. Clear language boundaries
OPOL removes the mental load.
You don’t have to stop and think, “Wait, which language should I use right now?”
With mama, we use Chinese. With papa, we use Russian. Simple.
Because the boundaries are so clear, it helps build and maintain strong habits. Like brushing your teeth – once the habit is in place, it just happens.
In fact, if you’re familiar with habit formation research – like James Clear’s Atomic Habits – OPOL fits beautifully into that model.
One of the core principles of habit building is to reduce decision-making. OPOL does exactly that.
Some parents have told me they "forget" to speak in the target language. And that made me think – that's interesting; why don't I struggle with that anymore? I then realised that speaking Chinese with the kids has become second nature, thanks to OPOL!
TLDR: If consistency is a challenge for you, OPOL might help.
3. Predictability for the kids
The kids know what to expect.
They associate one parent with one language.
Predictability is powerful for young children. It creates stability and makes it easier for minority languages to take root.
Sometimes, when I randomly speak Russian, the kids reply in Chinese and ask, “Mum, why are you speaking Russian?” 🤣 The OPOL link becomes deeply rooted.
CONS OF OPOL
1. One parent may feel left out
When I speak Chinese to the kids, my husband sometimes has no idea what we’re saying. It’s not ideal – it can create mistrust or tension. Like, am I complaining about him? (Guilty, maybe!)
On the other hand, I understand 80-90% of what my husband says to the kids in Russian, so it's less of a problem for me.
Suggestion: Learn your partner’s language – even a little helps bridge the gap.
I recommend reading two of my blog posts/ watching two of my videos exploring this subject. Recently, I interviewed Karl Baker, the founder of Mandarin Mosaic and a British dad successfully raising bilingual kids with his Chinese wife. He stressed the importance of learning his wife's language and how this has really enhanced his own experience raising bilingual kids.
In another blog post, I share my experience raising trilingual kids in a mixed marriage, where two partners don't speak each other's language – one of the pieces of advice I give in that video is to learn your partner's language, even if only to a basic level!
2. Group conversation friction
What do you do when the whole family is together?
We’ve settled on English as our family language to keep things flowing.
But when the kids speak to just one of us – even in a group setting – we try to stick to OPOL.
I'll be the first to admit that It's not perfect.
It gets chaotic.
Just to give you an example, my Russian mother-in-law visited us a couple of weeks ago. She speaks Russian and is fluent in English, but does not speak a word of Chinese.
When all five of us were together, language chaos reigned supreme!! For example, when I was speaking to the kids in Chinese, I had to think: wait, is my mother-in-law part of the conversation right now?! Should I switch to English? And I knew that when she was talking to my husband, the same thought processes went through their minds – oh, is Ka Yee involved in this conversation? Should we switch to English?!
So yes, the honest truth is that OPOL can be... exhausting.
Still, we’ve found a good balance (for the most part!).
TLDR: The friction is real. What works for us might not work for you, and you'll have to find our own "sweet spot" as a family!
3. Judgement from others
A few years ago, we met a young British couple on holiday in Turkey.
They were totally confused by our language setup.
When I said I spoke Chinese with the kids and my husband said he spoke Russian, they looked shocked – like we were from another planet!
While OPOL becomes normal for you, some people won’t get it.
Most are curious, rather than critical. My advice? Just give a brief explanation and move on.
4. Uneven exposure
One parent usually spends more time with the kids.
In our case, that’s me. I work from home 100% of the time and have consistently spent more time with them since their birth, so their Chinese is stronger than their Russian. (Although there's an alternative explanation: maybe Russian is just harder than Chinese?! Watch my video where the two languages battle it out!)
To balance things, we send the kids to weekend Russian classes. They’ve been attending since they were toddlers. It gives them extra exposure to Russian.
Part 3 – Final Thoughts & Verdict
So… what’s my final verdict on OPOL?
Overall, OPOL has been a rock-solid foundation for our trilingual family, one of the five "key pillars" as I see it.
It’s not perfect.
But for us – and probably for many multilingual families – it’s the most doable approach.
We’ve stuck with it for over eight years, and it continues to serve us well.
Do you have any questions about OPOL? What's your experience of this method? Share in the comments below!
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