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I can’t believe my son is turning eight this week!
When we started our trilingual journey eight years ago, we were filled with excitement, but we had no idea about the challenges we would face. Looking back, there are so many things I wish I had known when we began.
In this post, I’m going to share the top five things I wish I knew at the start of our journey, so you can avoid some of the mistakes we made and make your bilingual or trilingual parenting journey smoother – and, most importantly, happier.
1. Being Trilingual Does NOT Happen Automatically
When we found out we were expecting our first child in 2016, we were absolutely overjoyed!
We imagined the joy of raising a trilingual child, assuming that speaking Russian, Chinese, and English would just happen naturally.
We thought that since I spoke one language, my husband spoke another, and we lived in the UK where English is the dominant language, our child would naturally grow up speaking all three.
However, eight years later, I wish I knew that being trilingual doesn’t happen automatically, even with the best intentions.
It’s not as simple as just exposing your child to multiple languages.
If you’re raising a child in a country where the majority language is dominant – like English in the UK – you will face significant challenges. Your child will likely favour the majority language unless you plan to encourage using your home languages actively.
I really wish we had prepared ourselves better for this. Setting realistic expectations from the start is key.
In short: Don’t assume bilingual or trilingual ability will just happen!
2. Start Planning Early
This brings me to the second thing I wish I had known: you need a plan, and you need it early on.
Let me give you a little analogy. Imagine two people, Amy and Betty, both wanting to lose 5 kg in six months.
Amy makes a plan, works out her calories, creates meal plans, and follows a structured exercise routine. Betty, on the other hand, just tries to eat a bit less and hopes for the best. Who do you think is more likely to succeed?
When we first started our journey, we were a bit like Betty.
We thought we’d just speak Russian and Chinese to our child and somehow, it would all work out.
But without a clear plan or understanding of the different strategies, we found ourselves struggling.
We even switched languages when our son turned two, making things more complicated than they needed to be.
Looking back, I wish we had done more research and set a solid plan from the beginning.
That’s why I’ve created a free family language planner for parents like you.
You can download it here, and it will help guide you through setting up a language plan that works for your family.
I've even written a book to help parents navigate the journey—it's the book I wish I had when we first started out!
3. Raising a Bilingual/Trilingual Child is Simple, but NOT Easy
Here’s the third thing I wish I had known: while the fundamental principle of raising a bilingual or trilingual child is simple, it’s by no means easy.
It all comes down to two things – exposure to the language and the need for your child to speak it.
But achieving both consistently is much harder than you’d think.
When we started out, we didn’t fully grasp the importance of creating a “need” for our son to speak his minority languages. We thought exposure alone would be enough, but that’s not the case. Your child needs to feel there’s a real reason to use the language, whether it’s to communicate with family, friends, or in specific settings.
Raising a multilingual child takes serious commitment.
You need to create routines, stick to them, and be prepared for bumps along the way.
Many parents give up when their children start school and English becomes the dominant language. But trust me, it’s worth the effort in the long run!
4. Discover the Joy in the Process
For a long time, I viewed raising trilingual children as a bit of a grind – something we had to do for their benefit, but not exactly fun.
That changed when I read Ali Abdaal’s book Feel Good Productivity.
He talks about finding joy in the process, and that shift in mindset has been a game changer for us.
Now, I try to find ways to incorporate more fun and joy into our language-learning routine. Instead of dreading reading and writing sessions, I look for ways to make them engaging and enjoyable for all of us.
This shift has made a huge difference in how we approach teaching our kids to read and write in Chinese. I've written a blog post and created a video on this subject - check it out!
So, whatever stage you’re at, remember to find joy in the process. If it feels like a grind, change it up! You’ll be surprised at how much more effective – and enjoyable – it becomes.
5. It’s a Marathon, NOT a Sprint – Enjoy the Ride
Finally, the last thing I wish I knew is that raising a bilingual or trilingual child is a marathon, not a sprint.
It’s a lifelong journey, and you need to pace yourself.
When we started, we were so eager to see progress. But language learning is not a quick process. It takes years, and even then, it’s never truly finished. There will always be new challenges and new stages of development.
The key is to enjoy the journey. Celebrate the little victories along the way – like when your child speaks a full sentence in the target language or recognises a new word.
These moments are precious, and they remind you why the journey is so worth it.
So take it slow, don’t stress over every hurdle, and enjoy the ride! One thing I've come to realise is how insanely fast the years fly by. Enjoy every little moment and see language learning as a way to deepen the bond between you and your precious child!
Conclusion
I hope these five insights will help you in your own bilingual or trilingual parenting journey.
Raising multilingual children is an incredible experience, but it does require patience, planning, and commitment.
If you're raising a bilingual/ trilingual baby now, head over to my YouTube video where I share my top five tips!
Looking back, what are some of the things you wish YOU knew? Share in the comments below!
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