Trilingual Daughter Turns 7: FIVE (Surprising) Lessons! | Raising Bilingual Kids Trilingual Kids

My daughter’s just turned 7, which means we’ve now been on this trilingual parenting journey for over SEVEN years. (In fact, it's 8 and a half years because we also have a son who was born in 2016!)

That’s seven years of raising her in Chinese, Russian, and English – and navigating all the highs, lows, surprises, and lightbulb moments along the way.

So today, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on what we’ve learnt – and share five valuable (and perhaps surprising) lessons we’ve picked up while raising her to be trilingual.

If you’re at an earlier stage in your own journey, I hope this post brings some reassurance, some encouragement and applicable insights!

If you prefer video format, check out the YouTube video here!

Lesson 1: Every child is different – even within the same family

Let me ask you something. Do you have siblings? Are you and your siblings similar… or totally different?

I bring this up because one of the most surprising things I’ve learnt is that children can have vastly different experiences learning languages – even when they’re raised in the same family, with the same parents, using the same methods.

Our son and daughter are only 19 months apart, but their language development journeys were night and day. With our son, we struggled. He understood all three languages by age 3, but would only respond in English. We eventually helped him become actively trilingual – it took about three months of focused effort (you can watch that story on my YouTube channel!).

Same parents, very different language journeys... Both our children were raised to be trilingual from birth, but our experiences have been so different!

So we expected similar challenges with our daughter.

But she surprised us.

From early on, she was using all three languages – speaking Chinese with me, Russian with her dad, and English in the wider world. She mixed them sometimes, sure, but it felt relatively... effortless.

We didn’t have to “train” her the way we did her brother. Phew.

By the way, if you want to find out how we "trained" our son to become actively trilingual, check out my video below, or the blog post I've written exploring this journey.

So, why the difference between my two kids?

Who knows! Maybe it’s personality. Maybe it’s because we were more experienced the second time around. Maybe it’s birth order, gender, natural aptitude, or the fact that she had an older sibling modelling all three languages.

Most likely, it’s all of the above.

Interestingly, I’ve seen this go the other way, too. I know a family raising their daughters in Chinese and Polish, alongside English. Their eldest is fully trilingual. But the younger one, who’s four years younger, doesn’t really speak Chinese. The dad – who’s Chinese – told me that life just got busier. He had more time with the older sister, especially during Covid lockdowns. With the younger one, things slipped.

So my takeaway? Every child’s linguistic journey will be different.

Don’t compare.

Even if the other child you’re tempted to compare with is also your child!

Lesson 2: Code mixing is normal (and kind of wonderful)

Code mixing – or language mixing – is often misunderstood. People worry that it means confusion. That the child “doesn’t know the difference” between the languages.

But in our experience, that couldn’t be further from the truth. When our daughter was a toddler, she mixed languages all the time – often in ways that were hilariously creative.

Our all-time favourite? “Gege boom ya.” Let me decode that:

• “Gege” is Chinese for “older brother”

• “Boom” was her own invented word – it meant something like “to bump into”

• “Ya” is the Russian word for “I”, although in this sentence it should’ve been “menya” (me)

So, “Gege boom ya” = “My brother bumped into me.”🤣😹

We knew exactly what she meant. She had a message in her head and she used every tool she had to get it out.

That, to me, is problem-solving. It’s creative communication.

So if your little one is mixing languages – embrace it. It’s a phase. It means they’re actively using what they know. And as their vocabulary in each language grows, they’ll start to separate the languages more naturally.

Lesson 3: They speak to each other in English – and that’s okay

Let’s play out a little scenario.

You’re 10 years old back in the classroom, chatting with your best friend about something random – as kids do. Suddenly, a stern teacher interrupts and says: “Excuse me! You’re speaking in the wrong language. Please use Latin from now on!”

Sounds ridiculous, right?

That’s exactly how it would feel for my kids if I forced them to speak Chinese or Russian to each other.

English is their shared language. It’s the language of play, of connection, of mischief and inside jokes. It’s how they bond.

I'm ok with my children choosing their "friendship language"!

We use the One Parent One Language (OPOL) approach – I speak Chinese, my husband speaks Russian, and the kids get English from school and the wider world. We’re consistent about it. But we don’t police what language they use when chatting with each other.

And that’s okay.

Instead, we set the expectation that when they speak to us, they use Chinese or Russian.

That gives them a strong foundation in all three languages while still respecting their autonomy and social needs.

So if your kids default to the community language between themselves? Don’t panic. Focus on your role – staying consistent in how you use the minority language. That’s where the power is.

Lesson 4: Don’t worry too much about the community language

Back in early 2020, my daughter was about 20 months old and getting ready to start nursery part-time. And I’ll admit – I was worried.

She didn’t really speak English at the time. She understood bits here and there, but she’d only ever spoken Chinese with me and Russian with her dad.

What if she couldn’t ask for help? What if she felt lost?

So I taught her a few basic English phrases: “I want water.” “Toilet, please.” That sort of thing.

And then… she started nursery. Within a few months, she was speaking English like her peers.

Now, years later, English is her strongest language – without a doubt.

She sounds like any other monolingual English-speaking kid.

And this isn’t just our story. I’ve heard it from so many other families too. The fear is totally understandable, but in the vast majority of cases, kids pick up the community language fast because they’re surrounded by it. There’s a real need to speak it. To communicate with their friends. To achieve "status" at the playground!

So yes, teach a few basic survival phrases before nursery or school if that makes you feel more confident. But please don’t worry that your child will fall behind.

Be more concerned about the minority languages – those are the ones that tend to slip once formal schooling begins. Check out my video below for a deeper dive into this topic, or read the blog post.

Lesson 5: Finding joy in the process of language learning

Those of you familiar with my content will know that my husband and I have a fairly regimented daily reading and writing routine to help our children gain literacy in Russian and Chinese.

My daughter is incredibly artistic. She can sit for hours drawing, painting, creating complete stories with her pictures. Even while we're reading and writing sometimes!

I used to get so frustrated and impatient with her, but I've learned to approach this differently over the years. Instead of fighting that, we’ve leaned into it.

When we do Chinese reading and writing practice, I let her draw. We make up stories. She illustrates the characters. We use role play. It’s not always tidy or textbook-perfect, but it’s fun.

And that fun keeps her engaged.

"Older brother is scary!"

And what keeps your child engaged is ultimately what will give them and YOU the motivation to keep this going for years to come!

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So there you have it – five surprising and hard-earned lessons from seven years raising a trilingual child.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like the one I wrote for my son’s 8th birthday, where I shared 5 things I wish I’d known when we started this journey back in 2016.

And if you’re just starting out, don’t forget to check out the free multilingual parenting resources on my website – including a downloadable family language plan, a 48-page guide, and a free mini-course to help you create a custom strategy for your family.

See you in my next post!

Ka Yee x